Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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