I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize