i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
