If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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