My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize