Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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