you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
