You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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