guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
