I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize