i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
