I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
