brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think your dad took our porno
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
