saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
