I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
