four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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