Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
