The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
