Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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