I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm just crazy horny about you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
