Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
