Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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