when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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