Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
