I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
