I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
