look no pants
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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