I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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