Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize