Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
