I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
