I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize