Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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