i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize