hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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