He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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