so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
