She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
