and you said cock pushups were impossible
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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