she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
