Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize