Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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