you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
