Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
