Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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