Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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