I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
