I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
