Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
