What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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