Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
