I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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