Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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