you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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