Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize