I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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