What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
