i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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