He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
