my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
