"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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