More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
