dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
