Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
