The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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