Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
