Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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